le katrina (irasciblehermit) wrote in our_lord,
le katrina

The Dark Year leading up to the birth of Our Lord.

Oh, in the dark year of nineteen-hundred, four-score and eight, the world was in a state of panic.

Let us observe, humble Munstians, the events that occured leading up to the birth of Our Lord. While there were some good things that took place, we will only note the more depressing or violent things because the removal of certain key facts to persuade the public is the way to go.

January- On January 1, The Evangelical Lutheran Church in America came into existence. The creation of this church was yet another attempt by the Anti-Donus (who already knew of the coming of Our Lord) to lead the masses away from Munstianity. On a less Anti-Donus note, The Popo of Munstianity turned three. At least, we'll assume it was three because the writer of this 'doctorine' lacks the ability to add.

February- On February 21, Jimmy Swaggart, on his own televangelism program, confessed that he was guilty of an "unspecified sin". This is an early show of repentence in preparation for the coming of Our Lord. That "unspecified sin" was engaging in sexual affairs with a prostitute.

March- March 16, The Halabja poison gas attack was carried out by Iraqi government forces. Does anything else really need to be said? Obviously this is another appearance of the Anti-Donus. The masses are aching! They need a savior!

April- April 12, Former pop singer Sonny Bono is elected mayor of Palm Springs, California. Sonny Bono is a minion of the Anti-Donus and should be eradicated quickly. That is all.

May- May was a boring month, but at this point, the masses are starting to reach out for salvation. Their heartstrings play the tune of a sad song! A sad song in need of the light of Our Lord!

June- June 30, Mid-way through the dark year. Roman Catholics are starting to go against the tides. Archbishop Marcel Lefebrve took action without a Papal mandate. The world is beginning to constrict with anticipation, for soon, the arrival of Our Lord will take place.

July- Italy is the favored country of Donus. The light of Munstianity shines, though sometimes dimly, over this boot-shaped holy land. On July 1, the Quartetto Cetra performed their last concert after approximately forty years' of music-making. These faithful retired from the lime light so that they could go to their homes and begin writing songs for Our Lord.

August- August 14, The Munstian Head Nun Whom Wields the Fierce Baton of Obediance aged one year. The Munstian movement, while still silent, gained another follower. The Munstian Head Nun Whom Wields the Fierce Baton of Obediance was actually born in the Age of Odd Years, but only one, Our Lord, can be considered as being Holy at birth. The Munstian Head Nun Whom Wields the Fierce Baton of Obediance started off like all other peons and rose slowly through the ranks.

September- September 29, NASA resumes space shuttle flights, grounded after the Challenger disaster. NASA even feels the tension in the air. Space shuttle flights are back in order after the Challenger disaster. This rebirth of shuttle flights signifies the beginning of the future conquest by Munstians of outer space.

October- October 30, Philip Morris buys Kraft Foods for US$13.1 billion. Relevancy zero.

November- November 17, The Netherlands becomes the second country to get connected to the Internet. The Internet is an important tool in the spreading of Munstianity. This growth of the WWW to other regions of the world was the subconscious stepping stone for the opportunity to reach out to others about Munstianity.

December- The month of Our Lord. On the sixth day of this month, Donus was introduced to the harsh world. The unbelievers quaked in fear while the believers threw their hands to the sky and chanted the following:

O Comfortor to Thee we cry
Thou gift of Donus sent from on High
Thou font of life and fire of love
The soul's anointing from above (thirty-six degrees),
The soul's anointing from above (thirty-six degrees).

And then, the Lord Donus cooed, and it was good.

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