Ted's wang is the length of this scar.
This is the victim of the ancient, unorderly Ponusian society who opposed Donus once Donus refused to assist the Ponusian. It's tradition for the Popo to reincarnate himself so as to avoid riff-raff Popos being elected. So, at the time of this event, there existed Popo Ted II who was, at the time, a young Popo.
Popo Ted II traveled to Ponusian in order to bring down the uprise of the waking Hell that now neighbored the Holiest of Holy empires. One woman bore her breasts to him as he entired their small country and out of her nipples she birthed two rabid hamsters that tore at Pope Ted II like demon babies of some demonic place. Popo Ted II karate chopped them dead and as the angry whore threw herself at him, he let loose the force of a thousand men. He let out the wang of holy Popo-ism. With it he lashed the side of the whore, spilling her blood and eight-inches of kidney donating (google search image).
This began the Era of Triumph Against the Opposing Ponusian Who Were Doomed to Become the Dutch.